Raw Honesty

It's been so long, I'm not even sure where to start. I've had some great things going on---and some not-so-great. I must admit that I often wonder where my walk with Christ is going.

Please understand that this blog entry today will be raw and honest.
[I may not have any readers anyway--due to my long absence *smile*]

Why is it that people (me) base their relationship with Christ on "feelings"? Are we pre-programmed that way or is it by-product of our need for visual stimilus or something "tangible" we can touch and feel? It's no secret that I have always struggled with the concept of God. Believe me, I have done studies, attended classes and asked questions--- but regardless, I fall back into the mindset of, "where is God?" I don't like that mindset. So why can't I stop?

You know, it would be very nice--and extremely helpful-- if God had a videocam or something like that. Heck, I'd settle with a red bat-phone--just some way of hearing Him, seeing Him, or something tangible. I've heard others proclaim their instances of actually hearing God speak to them. So, exactly how do I place an order for that?

Lately, I have felt that my prayers (albeit simple, short, and occassional unfortunately) have "been bouncing off the ceiling" so-to-speak.

Do you think that God still hears them? Does he sit on His throne laughing at my half-hearted attempts? Is He in his "judging-mode" or His "mercy-mode"? Is it wrong to beg for a "sign" from Him?

The sad thing about this situation and all the questions I have posed is that I KNOW all the answers---IN MY HEAD.

But not in my heart--and therein lies the problem.

I have gained much head-knowledge of God over the years having come from a "bonefied Christian home." Where I struggle is the *heart* part of everything. So....how do I fix it?

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