My previous post was heavy....I know....but regardless, it was necessary to put into words what I have been feeling in my heart and head. I long for the kind of eagerness and dedication in my walk with Christ (as demonstrated here). I came across this blog through several other blogs and I saved it as a favorite. I don't know the author personally, but her words speak to me and cause me to think about where I am in my relationship with Christ. Her authentic desire to study God's Word and her immovable stance on what God requires of her is amazing. Several times I have typed up an email asking her "how" she got to the point where she is....but I never send it. I guess it's based mostly on fear of hearing the answer and not being able to follow through. I know that God is not the "author of fear" but sometimes (nope--most-times) it's easier to stick-my-head-in-the-sand rather than possibly fail at something.
My blogger acquaintance posted not too long ago that she was starting a new Beth Moore study, Breaking Free. I think I'm going to start it, too. Maybe it will help me work through these issues-----
fit
Monday, March 22, 2010
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
Raw Honesty
It's been so long, I'm not even sure where to start. I've had some great things going on---and some not-so-great. I must admit that I often wonder where my walk with Christ is going.
Please understand that this blog entry today will be raw and honest.
[I may not have any readers anyway--due to my long absence *smile*]
Why is it that people (me) base their relationship with Christ on "feelings"? Are we pre-programmed that way or is it by-product of our need for visual stimilus or something "tangible" we can touch and feel? It's no secret that I have always struggled with the concept of God. Believe me, I have done studies, attended classes and asked questions--- but regardless, I fall back into the mindset of, "where is God?" I don't like that mindset. So why can't I stop?
You know, it would be very nice--and extremely helpful-- if God had a videocam or something like that. Heck, I'd settle with a red bat-phone--just some way of hearing Him, seeing Him, or something tangible. I've heard others proclaim their instances of actually hearing God speak to them. So, exactly how do I place an order for that?
Lately, I have felt that my prayers (albeit simple, short, and occassional unfortunately) have "been bouncing off the ceiling" so-to-speak.
Do you think that God still hears them? Does he sit on His throne laughing at my half-hearted attempts? Is He in his "judging-mode" or His "mercy-mode"? Is it wrong to beg for a "sign" from Him?
The sad thing about this situation and all the questions I have posed is that I KNOW all the answers---IN MY HEAD.
But not in my heart--and therein lies the problem.
I have gained much head-knowledge of God over the years having come from a "bonefied Christian home." Where I struggle is the *heart* part of everything. So....how do I fix it?
fit
Please understand that this blog entry today will be raw and honest.
[I may not have any readers anyway--due to my long absence *smile*]
Why is it that people (me) base their relationship with Christ on "feelings"? Are we pre-programmed that way or is it by-product of our need for visual stimilus or something "tangible" we can touch and feel? It's no secret that I have always struggled with the concept of God. Believe me, I have done studies, attended classes and asked questions--- but regardless, I fall back into the mindset of, "where is God?" I don't like that mindset. So why can't I stop?
You know, it would be very nice--and extremely helpful-- if God had a videocam or something like that. Heck, I'd settle with a red bat-phone--just some way of hearing Him, seeing Him, or something tangible. I've heard others proclaim their instances of actually hearing God speak to them. So, exactly how do I place an order for that?
Lately, I have felt that my prayers (albeit simple, short, and occassional unfortunately) have "been bouncing off the ceiling" so-to-speak.
Do you think that God still hears them? Does he sit on His throne laughing at my half-hearted attempts? Is He in his "judging-mode" or His "mercy-mode"? Is it wrong to beg for a "sign" from Him?
The sad thing about this situation and all the questions I have posed is that I KNOW all the answers---IN MY HEAD.
But not in my heart--and therein lies the problem.
I have gained much head-knowledge of God over the years having come from a "bonefied Christian home." Where I struggle is the *heart* part of everything. So....how do I fix it?
fit
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